Things I've heard this week, but wish I hadn't:
- 'About that invoice we've been promising to pay for 9 months, well yeah, we've gone into voluntary liquidation. Soz' (Bastards. Bastards. Bastards. Sorry, but they are.)
- 'Would you like to hold my parsnip?' (The fact he does jigsaws is bad enough, this reinforces my divorce petition, surely?)
- 'We represent small businesses and can tell you that they want the relaxation of unfair dismissal laws. Current employment law stops business owners recruiting.' (Actually no hideous Chamber of Commerce lady, this is not what I want AT ALL.)
- 'Mummy, if you don't let me stay up to watch telly, I'm going to put you in a care home.' (Always comforting to know that the Pocket-sized Pinochet is keeping a tally of parenting misdemeanours for use when I am old, dribbly and smell of piss.)
- 'I've been looking at coach trips. Did you know that we could go away for a couple of days for only £39 and get all our booze free?' (I need new friends. Perhaps ones that don't put liquor above sense.)
Things I've seen this week, and now wish I was blind (-er):
Doesn't get more frightening than this.
This week blows. You?
gin-nurtered time waster.